Hear And Be Heard
Zoe McKey
Rating: 2/5
Rating: 2/5
This is a book that talk about how to have a peace communication or conversation. Got this book for my 2022 vision - be a listener and advisor from many aspects, provide a comfortable conversation is one of my attempt.
This book maybe for you if you are trying to seek advices on your current communication skill, eg avoid judging people’s sentence and think they actually spoke to hurt you on purpose (sel-awareness), stop saying ‘did you listen to me’ which questioning if he/she focus listening. etc.
The author, Zoe Mckey do made few points towards this key, but frankly speaking, the overall supporting info or example not well developed and they narrow down the coverage of each declaration. The sample conversations provided in the book are like a robot that speak very politely which we would not speak with family or friends in such way, personally I would not recommend this book because it’s not a way that help us improve communication, instead it seems like a way to request sympathy. The first 30% of book talking about how you can impact the conversation if you had childhood mental trauma. I’m quite lost here at the first part because I’m not reading this due to any trauma or a hurtful childhood environment.
I would say this book is not for me, but I can‘t imagine which group of people for 🤔 It's highly not recommended for a person who is under belittle mindset or trauma, because a less confident person shouldn’t rush into this book that trying to build a please communication before they cure herself/himself.
My take away from this reading? perhaps the advices about do not ask 'do you listening what I said?' and 'do you understand?'. This is from my personal experience, not on me, but I've heard someone end his every message this way, and as a bystander, I can feel this sentence came out only from an attack or defensive mode.So yea.
One last thing I must mention is, if the opposite hitting you with -ve comments, if you feel hurt and belittle throughout the conversations, leave the conversation. It's really not necessary to lower yourself to accept a person that being rude or full of ego.
Quotes:
- Speaking about our real feelings is scary. We wish the other person would realize they said something hurtful quickly and repent without us saying a word.
- The principles of hearing and being heard are simple. You practice self-awareness instead of mindlessly reacting led by a rogue emotion.
- Express your emotions, thoughts, and needs in an intentional, nonconfrontational way.
- The way people treat you is not about you. It’s about them.
- Pain calls for alertness. Alertness signals a threat. Threats trigger self-defense. So, they defend themselves against something you didn’t mean to hurt them with.
- Others’ reactions are not about you. Just like your reaction is not about others.
- There is nothing wrong with feeling hurt. She’s not oversensitive, hysterical, or crazy. Different things hurt different people.
- Your old stories need not define you. You can write another plot for them.
- People’s opinions shouldn’t have defined your worth.
- No two humans have the same experience. How we interpret, think, and feel about life events is unique to us.
- Unexpressed emotions lead us to become overly self-absorbed. We feel resentful, unheard, unseen, etc… and rightfully so.